Respecognize my Gangsta

So this morning I went to get some cereal and those pigs didn't have any Frosted Mini Wheats so I had to settle for Raisin Bran Crunch. Never a bad alternative. In fact it's a great alternative probably my go to alternate, but that got me thinking what's the best cereal?

5. Cinnamon Toast Crunch

Cinnamon Toast Crunch coming in at number 5. And basically it's like this...if you don't like this cereal fuck you and your mother dog. You have to be clinically insane to dislike cinnamon toast crunch.  What's not to like about cinnamon toast crunch? Is it the cinnamon? You're gay. Is it the toast? Butt chug vinegar. Is it the crunch? You probably order original recipe from KFC too, little bitch. What I'm sayin is I am making a hall of fame list and this shit is going first ballot.

4. Life

Don't even front on Life cereal. This shit is a straight dick wrecker. You could easily eat one of those little ass boxes in one sitting.

3. Cookie Crisp

Fuck you. This is my motherfucking list.

2. Frosted Mini-Wheats

This is easily the most well rounded cereal in the history of cereal. Shit is like the Nomar of cereals. It hits for power, average and plays great defense plus its sexy. Shit is positively delicious, keeps you full and its good for you. Just a five tool player. You seen his hot ass wife strawberry Frosted Mini-Wheats? That bitch is clearly the Mia Hamm of the Cereal Game.

1. Honey Nut Cheerios

Is there a more obvious number 1 choice in the world? Like this shit is so perfectly delicious and simple I'd stab myself in the eye if it wasn't my choice for best cereal. This is the Jennifer Aniston of cereal. The most perfect creation god has ever made.

Does this look like the face of a Nicaraguan teen who fucks chickens?

Get a load of this fucking kid! The feathers are cute? What the fuck. This little dude just sticks his dong in these chickens vagina-butt holes like it aint no thang. Yo guys come try this!! Shit feels good as fuck! Way better than our creepy aunt's crusty hand! But seriously I can't be mad at this kid. How many times you done something cuz you seen your older cousin/sibling doing something and you wanted to be cool? Shiiiit what if these chicken fuckers are way ahead of us? What if chicken vagina-butt feels better than its human counter part? Looks like Horny Nicaraguan Teen 1 the rest of us 0.

P.S. The best way to stop chicken fucking is to go cold turkey

THIS IS AMERICA HOMEBOY !!!!

Wall Street - Hostess Brands Inc. is nearing a deal to sell its Twinkie brand and other cakes to private-equity firms Apollo Global Management LLC APO +0.05% and C. Dean Metropoulos & Co. for more than $400 million, said people familiar with the discussions. The deal could be disclosed as soon as Tuesday and would serve as the opening bid in a coming bankruptcy-court auction for the assets, which include Dolly Madison and other brands. Apollo, the giant buyout shop co-founded by Leon Black, and Metropoulos, owner of the Pabst Blue Ribbon beer brand, have been looking to partner on a deal for some time. They emerged as the front-runners to snap up Hostess's cake brands and negotiations between them and the company picked up steam in recent days, leading to the expected deal, people familiar with discussions said.

Hot Diggity Dogg!!! MURICA! Does it get anymore American than Pabst Blue Ribbon buying Twinkie??? I had the biggest boner/heart attack combo after hearing this news. I haven't been this excited since the first time I got a blowee. Seriously if this doesn't prove we are the most powerful country in the world nothing does. Two All American studs going head to head and joining forces to create a Jadaveon Clowney-esque MONSTER. Similar to when the Power Rangers morph into MegaZord. This shit is so fucking awesome America's infrastructure will no longer need to bail out banks and shit. This is gonna make a lot of people happy. I only got four 10 packs of twinkies left. I was startin to sweat like a whore in church. "Long Live the King".

Fuck the Food Chain!

DM - These extraordinary pictures show a South African seal devouring a blue shark - one of five that it attacked and ate for dinner. The rare event took place off the coast of Cape Point and was witnessed and photographed by a group of shocked divers. The seal ate only the stomach and liver of its prey before moving on to its next victim. 'It was terrible to watch,' said South African photographer Chris Fallows, who owns a shark diving company. He had been taking a group on an expedition when they found the sharks, which were all around three or four feet long.

Bad ass motherfucker!! This seal who I have promptly named Steven after Steven Seagal just gave a big old middle finger to mother nature. He just said bitch don't think if you starve me I won't eat these fucking jerk off sharks who have killed my brother, sister, mommy, daddy, and uncle. He wanted blood and he got it. Such a power move I can't even take it. You thought that the 2 people's elbows that the Rock dropped on CM Punk sunday night were raw? How bout this damn seal disemboweling the so called king of the ocean? The coupe de gras of bad ass shit without legs. Well it's safe to say that I am no longer intimidated by sharks. If a pussy seal can rip these things to shreds than there is no way me and my HUMAN brain can't kill sharks in .2 seconds. Mother nature just once again proving she's nothing more than a myth.

P.S.- How bout this Chris fellow? Terrible to watch? If I was guaranteed to see a seal rip a shark to shreds I'd pay 3 times the amount of money you were asking for your stupid little tour. Pussy.

Is Suicide Now My Best Choice?

As all of you know by now Rajon Rondo tore his ACL. I spent all day yesterday sulking in my own filth pouting like a fucking woman who didnt get her way.  By God if Danny Ainge decides to blow this thing up I am going to go play in track on I-95 with a blind fold on and a shock collar. I will full out bawl my eyes out worse than I did when Travis has to shoot Old Yeller if the Celtics trade Paul Pierce. May god have mercy on the Boston Celtics.

P.S. If the Sox don't get off to a good start the gallon of bleach under my kitchen sink will start to look really delicious