Get a load of this lady. Just about as awesome as it comes. She's got some serious gusto. Definitely worth a watch on a sunday morning.
Sunday, December 8, 2013
Thursday, December 5, 2013
So Not Mogul
WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH GOOGLE?? I am a Mogul in training why the fuck should I have to sit through advertisements every single time I want to watch a Youtube video? Are these idiots at google as idiotic as I think they are? Am I the only person on the planet that would pay a monthly fee just to have an advertisement free Youtube? Can't be right? Like "Hey, Google! I will give you free money to use your free website if you get rid of these god forsaken ads on every video". Just give me .05% of the yearly profits and we have a deal bro. I'll sell you my idea. Lets shake on it?
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Move over Lil Terio
First things first...1) Fuck Jimmy Kimmel. He's not funny in the slightest. 2) White people can't do this. Plain and Simple if you are white you have a negative zero percent chance of doing this.
Couple weeks ago State Farm Dance Cam at a Detroit Pistons game went viral because these two had an epic dance off. These 2 dudes going back and forth just killing shit like whatever whatever I do what I want. Last night Jimmy "I laughed harder at my Grandma's funeral" Kimmel had these two on his late night show basically doing the same shit. Killin it like whatever whatever I do what I want.
If Jimmy was actually funny and actually had a comic mind he would have a dance off Stomp the Yard style between this fat little pistons fan and that publicity whore Lil' Terio. But then again Kimmel aint funny.
PS - This is the power move of all power moves. Your move Mr. Usher.
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People really do hate Barrack
Daily News - The troubled mobile phone maker BlackBerry still has at least one very loyal customer: U.S. President Barack Obama. At a meeting with youth on Wednesday to promote his landmark healthcare law, Obama said he is not allowed to have Apple's smart phone, the iPhone, for "security reasons," though he still uses Apple's tablet computer, the iPad. Apple was one of several tech companies that may have allowed the National Security Agency (NSA) direct access to servers containing customer data, according to revelations by former NSA contractor Edward Snowden. The companies deny the allegation. Obama fought to keep his BlackBerry after coming to the White House in 2009, though he said only 10 people have his personal email address. Neither George W. Bush nor Bill Clinton used email during their presidencies.
What the actual fuck? He's black, guys, not poor. Give him a damn iPhone. No one deserves a BlackBerry. That is such a slap in the face to the President of this great nation its disgraceful. I would go a wicked pissin rampage if I had to give up my iPhone and go back to team CrackBerry (It's still cool to call them that right?). Just shittin and pissin my pants all over the cell phone store the moment they broke the news to me "Hey um we think you suck and we've heard no one approves of you so We're gonna have to take that iPhone back and replace it with a BlackBerry, Ok? (Bill Lumbergh voice)". Want to know how to start world war 3? Take everyone's iPhone and give them blackberrys. Promise people will start killing one another once the PING!!!s start ringing off. Can you imagine Barack talking to his daughters "Heyyyyyy let me get that PIN girl! Mines 25a5f74a!"
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Wednesday, December 4, 2013
Tossin Piff
This shit will tickle your pickle. If you don't feel it move you might want to go see a doctor with a Ph.D in "You might be gay".
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Watch This Guy Shit Himself
It gets no luckier than this right? Like this guy should 117% have died. I spit out my coffee and I wasn't even drinking any when I saw this video. Just out of this world stuff. I feel like every single one of these live leak videos of crazy shit happening with cars always happens in Russia. I guess it must be winter their and the only ting keeping them warm is the 5th of vodka in their center console. Serious question though...Did this guy shit himself right when he knew he was about to get smoked by this drunk Russia and how do you not get up and immediately start jerking off? If I just nearly got killed by a speeding car there is zero doubt I would start jerking it. It could be my last crack. Never know when you're gonna get smoked by a drunk Russian again.
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Fire in the Hole!
Daily News - A drunk British hotel guest who burst naked from a cupboard with a fire hose rammed up his butt said he was "truly ashamed" of his sick antics. Joseph Small this week walked free from court despite pleading guilty to a night of mayhem at the Premier Inn Leicester Square in London on Oct. 31. The 20-year-old confessed to being loaded on booze as he stripped off his clothes, grabbed a fourth floor extinguisher, slid the pipe up between his buttocks and started to masturbate. He then urinated on a carpet and lift door, screamed racist abuse at a Bangladeshi worker and told a cop he looked like a pedophile.
This is like one of those stories your weird buddy tells you and from then on out you avoid him at all costs. Like before this you hung out with him cause he was funny and did stupid shit, but you were always on the edge about him. And now its like "See guys! I always told you Joseph was a fucking sicko! I knew he wasn't lying when he said his dog Lady licked peanut butter off his balls in 6th grade." Everybody has that friend that they're uneasy about and always question whether they are insane or not. This guy Joe though? He definitely takes the cake. I don't even think the dude is gay, I think he was just curious. Curious to see if he could fit the hose up his ass. Why he was whippin his sausage stick and peeing on the floor though I can not explain. I will say this...there is a negative zero percent chance that this is the first and last time Joseph has stuck something in his bum and jerked it. Calling a cop a pedophile while you've got a fire extinguisher hose in your ass is an oxymoron to say the least.
PS- What kind of racist jokes can you make about a dude from Bangladesh? Oh you cheap t-shirt making bastard! Don't you dare try and pull this fire extinguisher hose out of my asshole!!
Double PS - I'm not against girls sticking things in my ass as long as my dick is in their mouth. Does that make me gay?
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Ellsbury Hoe-Boy
No surprise here guys and gals. No surprise at all. We all knew that Jacoby Ellsbury has less character than a popsicle stick. Everyone and their mom knew he was leaving Boston with his bags packed in search for the dumbest team to give him the most money. Its the cherokee way. What a fucking asshole though. The people of Boston deserve a little more respect than this. Jacoby just took a little scab and turned it into a fucking stab wound by going to the Spanks. Just such a hoe move. No ill will towards the yankees though. Play on Playas. Jacoby Ellsbury is a player built by speed and guess what fellas...He's 30 years old. Speed doesn't last forever and it certainly doesn't last for 7 years and 153 million dollars. How long before his first 50 game suspension? Is there anyone in the entire country who thought his 32 homerun season was by accident? Do you think it just happens that he hit 32 home runs in 660 at bats that season and 33 over his other 2,252 at-bats in his career? A-Rod is going to be stabbing Jacoby in the ass with so many things that include but are not limited to needles & dicks. Have fun with that New York. Your pitching staff still sucks.
Tuesday, December 3, 2013
Chick-Fil-A hates me
Huff - Chick-fil-A says it's removing high-fructose corn syrup from its white buns and artificial dyes from its sauces and dressings as part of a push to improve its ingredients. The fast-food chicken chain says the reformulated buns are being tested in about 200 Georgia locations, while the sauces and dressings will be tested starting early next year. It says it also removed a yellow dye from its chicken soup and that the new recipe should be in all restaurants by the end of this month. It's also testing a new peanut oil, with hopes of a rollout early next year.
This is all fine and dandy Chick-fil-A, but until you start serving my fat white ass food on sunday I will never be able to call you the king of fast food. Yes, you are delicious, your sauces are delectable, and you even refuse to serve gay people. But not being open on sundays is a crime against humanity and an insult to the people of this great nation. How could you possibly think its ok to not be open? Every single fucking sunday I wake up so hungover that I regret my entire life and I stumble my ass 200 yards down the road in a half drunk half sleeping stupor to your door step only to remember that you are fucking CLOSED. ALL I WANT IS A HALF DOZEN CHICKEN MINIS.
Listen Chick-fil-A I fully respect your grind. You're the best fast food on the market and you discriminate against people who like the same private parts as they have but respectfully, fuck you with a horse cock
PS- Go Cocks!
PS- Go Cocks!
#ThingsBetterThanClemson going to chick fil a on a Sunday only to find that it's closed
— Kevin G (@KGOG1) November 30, 2013
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Kris Jenner is bat shit crazy
NYdailynews - Kanye West's "Bound 2" video, which features the rapper riding on a motorcycle while fiancé Kim Kardashian straddles him topless, was divisive even within the Kardashian family. Family matriarch Kris Jenner was not pleased by her daughter's latest nude antics, according to a report in Heat magazine. After a private screening of the music video, a source told the magazine, "Kris went ballistic, telling her daughter this is worse than the 2007 leaked sex tape that Kim made with her ex-boyfriend Ray J, because that was meant to stay private while this was meant to go public." "She started crying, saying how ashamed she was to see her daughter being 'forced into something so degrading,'" the source continued. "She's saying that Kim's destroyed all her credibility." Sisters Khloe and Kourtney were reportedly also miffed by the racy video. "Kourtney told her she thought the video was disgusting and disrespectful, to the family and all their relatives, but also questioned why Kim did it," the insider said. "They are considering an intervention."
What a bunch of happy horseshit this is huh? This is the most shameful/disrespectful/degrading thing Kim has ever done to the Kardashian family? Bahaha! How bout having a child named North West with fuckin Kanye? Hey Kris, hey Khloe don't you guys remember that Kim got internet famous because she was sucking black dicks on camera??? I don't think a little bare titties even compares to her wearing a Free Willy killer whale costume while pregnant with Kanye's love child. A little nipple is nothing for this broad. And Khloe who are you to talk. You're disgusting. Kim you are too. The worse thing Kim has done isn't suck a schlong on camera...it is suck RAY-Js schlong. RAY-J.
PS- I have black friends so I can make racist black jokes right? Thats how that works?
AJ Pierzynski
I'm sure most of you have heard by now that the Sox signed AJ Pierzynski. I spit out my coffee this morning and went to the bathroom and puked...Yes, dickhead, frosted tips, gets beat up by other catchers AJ Pierzynski. Well I was going to write this blog shitting on AJ and questioning Ben Cherington's sexuality, but the more I look at the deal and actually think about what kind of guy Pierzynski is I can do nothing but love this move. There was a time when there was not a player I hated outside of A-Rod and Teixeira (They have touched tips before) more than Pierzynski. Just a down right scum bag in my book. But the more I thought about it the same reasons I was hating him were some of the same reasons I loved guys like Kevin Millar and Trot Nixon. The guy plays the game how its supposed to be played. He plays by all the unwritten rules to which I absolutely adore in a baseball player these days, especially a catcher. Plus the guy loves pushing his teammates and he's eccentric as fuck. Also I'd bet a down payment on a house that the guy is a sexual deviant. Just hasn't fucked with a condom since like 16 or 17. But on to the real reason I'm excited for this trash bag coming to Boston...The guy is 36 and caught 138 games last in fucking sweat your dick all the way off Arlington Texas. He hit .272 with 17 bombs, 70 RBIs all the while only striking out 70 times and did I mention he threw out 33% of would be stealers? I think Salty (God Bless his soul) struck out 70 times in April last season and he may have thrown more balls into centerfield than he did to second base. Bottom line is AJ Pierzynski has Moxie and I love it. And you should too.
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Monday, December 2, 2013
Does this look like the face of the most emasculating female doin it right now?
DM - The female CEO of Archie Comics, who has been accused of sexual harassment by five employees says she can't be guilty of the accusations - because her employees are all white men. Nancy Silberkeit argues in legal filings that the employees who are suing aren't from a 'protected class' of people - and therefore their claims of harassment aren't legally viable. Silberkeit is accused of repeatedly shouting 'Penis!' at the employees and also referring to them as the male organ instead of their names.
Is there any woman more putrid, more deserving of being accused of witchcraft and burned at the stake than this woman? I know I speak for all white men when I say we are NOT the protected class when it comes to penises...specifically penis size. What a preposterous statement that calling a white man a penis can't cause extreme emotional distress. Not one white male with an average size penis (98% of us) has ever looked at himself naked in the mirror and said "I am really really content with my penis size. Having a penis that inflicts pain on women would be an inconvenience" NO. If I had a boss who kept calling me penis cause she knew my penis was medium sized (I'm insecure) because she has seen the color of my skin I would go full on buffalo bill goodbye horse wearing lipstick and dancing around naked with my crank tucked between my legs. This Nancy bitch knew exactly what she was doing. She was kicking her writers where it hurts the most (Yes, right in the dick). I bet Nancy is one of those sick Femdom porno broads who step on dude's nutsacks with stiletto heels on. She's a widow and I've never been more confident with any accusation that the reason being is she made her husband wear a condom the entirety of their marriage. So to say I hope she loses this lawsuit would be an absurd understatement.
PS- This whole blog is hypothetical because no wannabe mogul has a medium sized penis let alone a small penis HA! Moguls have Mogul sized cranks
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