100 year old lady on Jay Leno Show

Get a load of this lady. Just about as awesome as it comes. She's got some serious gusto. Definitely worth a watch on a sunday morning.

So Not Mogul

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH GOOGLE?? I am a Mogul in training why the fuck should I have to sit through advertisements every single time I want to watch a Youtube video? Are these idiots at google as idiotic as I think they are? Am I the only person on the planet that would pay a monthly fee just to have an advertisement free Youtube? Can't be right? Like "Hey, Google! I will give you free money to use your free website if you get rid of these god forsaken ads on every video". Just give me .05% of the yearly profits and we have a deal bro. I'll sell you my idea. Lets shake on it?
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Move over Lil Terio

First things first...1) Fuck Jimmy Kimmel. He's not funny in the slightest. 2) White people can't do this. Plain and Simple if you are white you have a negative zero percent chance of doing this.

Couple weeks ago State Farm Dance Cam at a Detroit Pistons game went viral because these two had an epic dance off. These 2 dudes going back and forth just killing shit like whatever whatever I do what I want.  Last night Jimmy "I laughed harder at my Grandma's funeral" Kimmel had these two on his late night show basically doing the same shit. Killin it like whatever whatever I do what I want.

If Jimmy was actually funny and actually had a comic mind he would have a dance off Stomp the Yard style between this fat little pistons fan and that publicity whore Lil' Terio.  But then again Kimmel aint funny.

PS - This is the power move of all power moves. Your move Mr. Usher.

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People really do hate Barrack

Daily News - The troubled mobile phone maker BlackBerry still has at least one very loyal customer: U.S. President Barack Obama. At a meeting with youth on Wednesday to promote his landmark healthcare law, Obama said he is not allowed to have Apple's smart phone, the iPhone, for "security reasons," though he still uses Apple's tablet computer, the iPad. Apple was one of several tech companies that may have allowed the National Security Agency (NSA) direct access to servers containing customer data, according to revelations by former NSA contractor Edward Snowden. The companies deny the allegation. Obama fought to keep his BlackBerry after coming to the White House in 2009, though he said only 10 people have his personal email address. Neither George W. Bush nor Bill Clinton used email during their presidencies.

What the actual fuck? He's black, guys, not poor. Give him a damn iPhone. No one deserves a BlackBerry. That is such a slap in the face to the President of this great nation its disgraceful. I would go a wicked pissin rampage if I had to give up my iPhone and go back to team CrackBerry (It's still cool to call them that right?).  Just shittin and pissin my pants all over the cell phone store the moment they broke the news to me "Hey um we think you suck and we've heard no one approves of you so We're gonna have to take that iPhone back and replace it with a BlackBerry, Ok? (Bill Lumbergh voice)". Want to know how to start world war 3? Take everyone's iPhone and give them blackberrys. Promise people will start killing one another once the PING!!!s start ringing off. Can you imagine Barack talking to his daughters "Heyyyyyy let me get that PIN girl! Mines 25a5f74a!"
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Tossin Piff

This shit will tickle your pickle. If you don't feel it move you might want to go see a doctor with a Ph.D in "You might be gay".
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Watch This Guy Shit Himself

It gets no luckier than this right? Like this guy should 117% have died. I spit out my coffee and I wasn't even drinking any when I saw this video. Just out of this world stuff. I feel like every single one of these live leak videos of crazy shit happening with cars always happens in Russia. I guess it must be winter their and the only ting keeping them warm is the 5th of vodka in their center console.  Serious question though...Did this guy shit himself right when he knew he was about to get smoked by this drunk Russia and how do you not get up and immediately start jerking off? If I just nearly got killed by a speeding car there is zero doubt I would start jerking it. It could be my last crack. Never know when you're gonna get smoked by a drunk Russian again.

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Fire in the Hole!

Daily News - A drunk British hotel guest who burst naked from a cupboard with a fire hose rammed up his butt said he was "truly ashamed" of his sick antics. Joseph Small this week walked free from court despite pleading guilty to a night of mayhem at the Premier Inn Leicester Square in London on Oct. 31. The 20-year-old confessed to being loaded on booze as he stripped off his clothes, grabbed a fourth floor extinguisher, slid the pipe up between his buttocks and started to masturbate. He then urinated on a carpet and lift door, screamed racist abuse at a Bangladeshi worker and told a cop he looked like a pedophile.

This is like one of those stories your weird buddy tells you and from then on out you avoid him at all costs. Like before this you hung out with him cause he was funny and did stupid shit, but you were always on the edge about him. And now its like "See guys! I always told you Joseph was a fucking sicko! I knew he wasn't lying when he said his dog Lady licked peanut butter off his balls in 6th grade."  Everybody has that friend that they're uneasy about and always question whether they are insane or not.  This guy Joe though? He definitely takes the cake. I don't even think the dude is gay, I think he was just curious. Curious to see if he could fit the hose up his ass. Why he was whippin his sausage stick and peeing on the floor though I can not explain. I will say this...there is a negative zero percent chance that this is the first and last time Joseph has stuck something in his bum and jerked it. Calling a cop a pedophile while you've got a fire extinguisher hose in your ass is an oxymoron to say the least.

PS- What kind of racist jokes can you make about a dude from Bangladesh? Oh you cheap t-shirt making bastard! Don't you dare try and pull this fire extinguisher hose out of my asshole!!

Double PS - I'm not against girls sticking things in my ass as long as my dick is in their mouth. Does that make me gay?

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Ellsbury Hoe-Boy

No surprise here guys and gals. No surprise at all. We all knew that Jacoby Ellsbury has less character than a popsicle stick. Everyone and their mom knew he was leaving Boston with his bags packed in search for the dumbest team to give him the most money. Its the cherokee way. What a fucking asshole though. The people of Boston deserve a little more respect than this. Jacoby just took a little scab and turned it into a fucking stab wound by going to the Spanks. Just such a hoe move. No ill will towards the yankees though. Play on Playas. Jacoby Ellsbury is a player built by speed and guess what fellas...He's 30 years old.  Speed doesn't last forever and it certainly doesn't last for 7 years and 153 million dollars. How long before his first 50 game suspension? Is there anyone in the entire country who thought his 32 homerun season was by accident? Do you think it just happens that he hit 32 home runs in 660 at bats that season and 33 over his other 2,252 at-bats in his career? A-Rod is going to be stabbing Jacoby in the ass with so many things that include but are not limited to needles & dicks. Have fun with that New York. Your pitching staff still sucks.

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WorldStar Smoke Show of the Day

Proud to present WorldStar HipHop Candy girl Brittany Renner
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Chick-Fil-A hates me

Huff - Chick-fil-A says it's removing high-fructose corn syrup from its white buns and artificial dyes from its sauces and dressings as part of a push to improve its ingredients. The fast-food chicken chain says the reformulated buns are being tested in about 200 Georgia locations, while the sauces and dressings will be tested starting early next year. It says it also removed a yellow dye from its chicken soup and that the new recipe should be in all restaurants by the end of this month. It's also testing a new peanut oil, with hopes of a rollout early next year.

This is all fine and dandy Chick-fil-A, but until you start serving my fat white ass food on sunday I will never be able to call you the king of fast food. Yes, you are delicious, your sauces are delectable, and you even refuse to serve gay people. But not being open on sundays is a crime against humanity and an insult to the people of this great nation. How could you possibly think its ok to not be open? Every single fucking sunday I wake up so hungover that I regret my entire life and I stumble my ass 200 yards down the road in a half drunk half sleeping stupor to your door step only to remember that you are fucking CLOSED. ALL I WANT IS A HALF DOZEN CHICKEN MINIS. 

Listen Chick-fil-A I fully respect your grind. You're the best fast food on the market and you discriminate against people who like the same private parts as they have but respectfully, fuck you with a horse cock

PS- Go Cocks!

#ThingsBetterThanClemson going to chick fil a on a Sunday only to find that it's closed
— Kevin G (@KGOG1) November 30, 2013

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Kris Jenner is bat shit crazy

NYdailynews - Kanye West's "Bound 2" video, which features the rapper riding on a motorcycle while fiancé Kim Kardashian straddles him topless, was divisive even within the Kardashian family. Family matriarch Kris Jenner was not pleased by her daughter's latest nude antics, according to a report in Heat magazine. After a private screening of the music video, a source told the magazine, "Kris went ballistic, telling her daughter this is worse than the 2007 leaked sex tape that Kim made with her ex-boyfriend Ray J, because that was meant to stay private while this was meant to go public." "She started crying, saying how ashamed she was to see her daughter being 'forced into something so degrading,'" the source continued. "She's saying that Kim's destroyed all her credibility." Sisters Khloe and Kourtney were reportedly also miffed by the racy video. "Kourtney told her she thought the video was disgusting and disrespectful, to the family and all their relatives, but also questioned why Kim did it," the insider said. "They are considering an intervention."

What a bunch of happy horseshit this is huh? This is the most shameful/disrespectful/degrading thing Kim has ever done to the Kardashian family? Bahaha! How bout having a child named North West with fuckin Kanye? Hey Kris, hey Khloe don't you guys remember that Kim got internet famous because she was sucking black dicks on camera??? I don't think a little bare titties even compares to her wearing a Free Willy killer whale costume while pregnant with Kanye's love child. A little nipple is nothing for this broad. And Khloe who are you to talk. You're disgusting. Kim you are too. The worse thing Kim has done isn't suck a schlong on camera...it is suck RAY-Js schlong. RAY-J.

PS-  I have black friends so I can make racist black jokes right? Thats how that works?

AJ Pierzynski

I'm sure most of you have heard by now that the Sox signed AJ Pierzynski. I spit out my coffee this morning and went to the bathroom and puked...Yes, dickhead, frosted tips, gets beat up by other catchers AJ Pierzynski. Well I was going to write this blog shitting on AJ and questioning Ben Cherington's sexuality, but the more I look at the deal and actually think about what kind of guy Pierzynski is I can do nothing but love this move. There was a time when there was not a player I hated outside of A-Rod and Teixeira (They have touched tips before) more than Pierzynski. Just a down right scum bag in my book. But the more I thought about it the same reasons I was hating him were some of the same reasons I loved guys like Kevin Millar and Trot Nixon.  The guy plays the game how its supposed to be played.  He plays by all the unwritten rules to which I absolutely adore in a baseball player these days, especially a catcher. Plus the guy loves pushing his teammates and he's eccentric as fuck. Also I'd bet a down payment on a house that the guy is a sexual deviant. Just hasn't fucked with a condom since like 16 or 17. But on to the real reason I'm excited for this trash bag coming to Boston...The guy is 36 and caught 138 games last in fucking sweat your dick all the way off Arlington Texas.  He hit .272 with 17 bombs, 70 RBIs all the while only striking out 70 times and did I mention he threw out 33% of would be stealers? I think Salty (God Bless his soul) struck out 70 times in April last season and he may have thrown more balls into centerfield than he did to second base.  Bottom line is AJ Pierzynski has Moxie and I love it. And you should too.

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Does this look like the face of the most emasculating female doin it right now?

DM - The female CEO of Archie Comics, who has been accused of sexual harassment by five employees says she can't be guilty of the accusations - because her employees are all white men. Nancy Silberkeit argues in legal filings that the employees who are suing aren't from a 'protected class' of people - and therefore their claims of harassment aren't legally viable. Silberkeit is accused of repeatedly shouting 'Penis!' at the employees and also referring to them as the male organ instead of their names.

Is there any woman more putrid, more deserving of being accused of witchcraft and burned at the stake than this woman? I know I speak for all white men when I say we are NOT the protected class when it comes to penises...specifically penis size. What a preposterous statement that calling a white man a penis can't cause extreme emotional distress. Not one white male with an average size penis (98% of us) has ever looked at himself naked in the mirror and said "I am really really content with my penis size. Having a penis that inflicts pain on women would be an inconvenience" NO. If I had a boss who kept calling me penis cause she knew my penis was medium sized (I'm insecure) because she has seen the color of my skin I would go full on buffalo bill goodbye horse wearing lipstick and dancing around naked with my crank tucked between my legs. This Nancy bitch knew exactly what she was doing. She was kicking her writers where it hurts the most (Yes, right in the dick). I bet Nancy is one of those sick Femdom porno broads who step on dude's nutsacks with stiletto heels on. She's a widow and I've never been more confident with any accusation that the reason being is she made her husband wear a condom the entirety of their marriage. So to say I hope she loses this lawsuit would be an absurd understatement.

PS- This whole blog is hypothetical because no wannabe mogul has a medium sized penis let alone a small penis HA! Moguls have Mogul sized cranks
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Keith Olbermann = Dog Feces

Good afternoon you pieces of garbage. I'm writing my first post on this blog about how much of a fucking prick Keith Olbermann is. Needless to say if you've watched his show you know how much of an arrogant asswipe he is and your hatred for him is similar to mine, if not go fuck yourself because you're probably an arrogant asswipe too. Main reason I'm writing this is because on last nights show he was reading some headlines about notable MLB free agents and he brought up that Manny Ramirez (AKA Da GOD for any and all simpletons reading this) is planning on making another return to the majors because he's sick of eating seaweed and tofu and ugly women in Taiwan I'm assuming. Can't blame him. While he was doing this he started to yawn and generally disrespected my dude Manny. This was the last straw for me. Yeah Manny is old and over the hill but get this through you're dumb fucking head Keith, Manny Ramirez is one of the biggest G's and overall hoggs to grace the Cathedral of Boston aka Fenway Park. So as the Iron Sheik would say respect the legend or get humbled old country way.

Morning Wood

I present the Whooty of all Whootys. This the type of booty I wouldn't mind being suffocated to death by. Anyway no idea who this piece of ass belongs to but shouts to Darnell Docket. I snatched it from his X Rated Instagram @Dockettxxx.

Thanksgiving Essentials

With Thanksgiving right around the corner, I've decided to rank the necessities that come with this absolute gem of a holiday.

Concrete Pajamas

DM - The son of notorious mob boss John Gotti walked into a Long Island hospital bleeding claiming that he had broken up a fight in a convenience store parking lot. John Gotti Jr., 49, took over the Gambino crime family but now says that he is no longer involved with organized crime, but he refused to tell police about the fight that he reportedly broke up on Sunday night that led to him being stabbed. No details have been released about his condition or the specific injuries he sustained, but the Daily News reports that they were serious enough for him to be transferred to North Shore University Hospital. He stopped revealing any details as soon as police arrived, putting an end to one information stream. 'He didn’t say anything to us so there was really no lead to track down at that point,' an unidentified police source told The Post.

These 2 idiots that stabbed Junior Gotti don't even have to worry about police finding them. Made men don't talk. Police midas whale stop looking too because these 2 are going to get put through a meat grinder and fed to dalmatians. Eventually this will get brought up in course, but we all know that Teflon Don Junior will get acquitted because all of the jury members will turn up dead. Moral of the story..."Fuck around with the Don and get John Blazed".

Morning Wood

Get your morning wood off with Chicks in Kicks

Suck it, Nerds !!!

I don't know if this dude is special or acting or what, but I don't give a fuck (Actually I prefer it if this dude is special, but whatever I'm weird). Regardless of what the fuck is going on here...this is the best youtube video I have ever seen. If this shit isn't funny to you, politely I'm going to ask you to fuck yourself because you don't know funny. As we say in the industry...This is rich.

"I got wasted, the cops in this game don't mess around"

"Look at that, look at it! How can you not appreciate this!"

The second funniest but maybe the most funny part of this video is at the 2:01 mark..."Hook it up for me!"...just putting that whoor in her place!!

I'm hiring this guy. He's funny. 

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76% of women...SHUT THE FUCK UP

HP - Carving out time for yourself during the day -- free from obligations to your work, partner or kids -- is one of life's great pleasures. And it may be even more important (and desirable) than sex. Out of 500 women polled by Celestial Seasonings, 76 percent would choose "me time" over sex, if they had to pick one or the other. And honestly, we can't say we're all that surprised.

"And honestly, we can't say we're all that surprised."...No shit Sherlock. If this is such an unsurprising thing I don't even know why you bothered to write about it. I for one am sick of hearing about how women don't like sex. MEN KNOW. We pretend like we don't, but we do. Who would want a sweaty, hairy, out of shape, double chinned dude humping them for 5 minutes while they lay on their back awkwardly? I know I wouldn't.
But seriously you know what the problem here is? Ladies? Do you? Its you...not us. Its not that we're incapable of making you like sex, but you can only get denied from anal so many times before you lose interest in caring about pleasing you. Once every 100 times we ask would probably suffice. But when you ask 1000 times and get the same result every single time...You stop caring. So you want us to start caring about your needs? Why don't you let us stick it in your butt once in a blue moon.
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Morning Wood

Wake up and crack the morning wood on this beautiful Veterans Day to the gorgeous Marine, Shannon Ihrke

Bye Week Survival Guide

A Sunday with no Tom Brady is like a day without sunlight. Just no two ways around the fact that it sucks horribly bad. But going into week 11 us Pat's fans got a lot to look forward too. This bye week couldn't have come at a better time. Big game next week against a hot Carolina Panthers team in Charlotte. Luckily for us Shane Vereen will be able to suit up next week after missing every game this season after week 1. He's been practicing a few weeks so he should be pretty game ready. Gronk finally healthy healthy, Amendola healthy, Butterfingers Dobson looks like he's finally figuring it out and best of all Belichick finally has faith in Stevan Ridley who is our best Running Back by a long shot like it or not. Being 7-2 right now feels pretty good.

Couple things to keep you from reaching for the bleach under the kitchen sink on this Non-Brady Sunday.

**Drink way more beer than normal. You should preferably be drinking Busch Lattes.

**Find a place with RedZone...because fuck watching strange teams you could give 2 shits about. I know you only wanna watch touchdowns.

**Pray to higher powers you have a good fantasy week...only thing worse than a November Sunday with no Pats is a November Sunday with no Pats and losing your fantasy match up.

**Masturbate in the shower

**Finally, Eat some fucking Chicken Parm for dinner.

**I did an extra lot of meat whipping this weekend...Fucking Cocks and Pats on a bye...Somebodies getting fired.

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New, Improved, and Hopefully Longer Lasting Chicken and Gravy Mang

None of you really give 2 shits. This will probably cease fire in 2-3 weeks when I'm too lazy to sit and type stupid shit instead of sit and watch my afternoon sitcoms. But hey, Friends, King of Queens, and then Seinfeld every fucking day for 5 hours beats the shit out of trying to entertain you monkeys. See y'all tomorrow for College Gameday. The Cocks are on a bye...I'll be blackout be 330.

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Miss Delaware Teen doing it BIG (Literally) !!

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Poor little Tink Tink

NY Times- The Paralympic champion Oscar Pistorius, who made sporting history by becoming the first double amputee sprinter to compete in the Olympics, was charged with murder on Thursday after a woman was fatally shot in his home in Pretoria, according to South African police officials.

So by now I'm sure all of you have heard about poor little tink tink aka Oscar Pistorius.  Dude killed his girlfriend with a gun and now everyone is calling him a monster. Poor Little Tink Tink.  How could anyone in their right mind find tink tink at a fault here? Do you see how hot his fucking side piece was? A man with no legs doesn't just murder a got damn super model named REEVA for no reason. Clearly she was bat shit crazy. She probably kept tormenting him because he lost a race and isn't the best no legged runner in the world anymore.  Just kept pushing him and pushing him until he could no longer take it and just like one of his prosthetic legs, he snapped.  But seriously fuck this rubber leg devil. How dare him take away a gorgeous blonde girl from this world. Why couldn't he have shot like an ugly bitch or something? So inconsiderate.

Guess its time I chime in

So this has gone viral on all the Barstool sites today and I decided I needed to throw in my 2 cents.

Barstool - You are being forced to spend the next 10 years of your life in a basement. After those 10 years, you will receive $10 mil. Your basement comes fully furnished with a good bed, sink, a toilet, a shower and a trash chute. You are also being given a bonus 30 points to spend on items/amenities that you can take with you to your basement. BONUS BONUS: If you half your $10 mil payout to $5 mil, you will receive 35 points to spend. If you reduce your payout to zero, you receive 40 points.

First things firsts I'm taking the dog for 6 points...just can not live in a fucking dungeon without a dog. Mark up 6 points.

2. I'm taking the full kitchen with all the dope shit. 6 more points...for those of you who can't count thats 12 points.

3.  Maybe the most important part of this whole thing...Give me that 52inch beast tv with the premium package. That is an absolute must. 19 points.

4. I'm taking the weight room with the hoop court and the batting cage. Simple really. 24 points.

5. Hygiene...even though there won't be any bitches in my dungeon I still like pampering myself. 27 points.

6. Yes I'm talking the 5 mil instead of the 10. And I gotta go with Barry Bonds. Either we will end up killing each other and won't have to rot for 10 years in a dungeon, or we'll have a fucking amazing time and he'll turn me into the next...um him. So we're up to 34 points.

7. I'll take the pool table. I always wanted to be able to play pool well. I think over ten years I'll be able to figure out that horrid game. 35 points.

I'm coming out jacked, being able to hit a baseball 3000 feet, I'll have a dog, me and Barry will be best friends, I'll be able to cook like a mug, and I'll have 5 mil. when I get out at 29 I'll go on such a tear it won't even be funny. Bitches on top of Bitches cuz I'll be rich, jacked, and know how to cook better than any Iron Chef ever.

...Now for my only alternative...

1. The hot ass bitch. Pretty good alternative. 18 points

2. The kitchen. I can't live without good food. Just can't. 24 points.

3. The HD camera...You know I'm bouta film mad pornos...too easy 27 points.

4. The TV. I need a fucking TV in my life. Couldn't live without sports. Just couldn't do it. 34 points.

5. Give me the fucking gun. Lord knows I won't be able to live with an annoying whiny ass stupid bitch in a confined space for 10 years. So Looks like I'm gonna have to kill the bitch at some point. It will probably happen within the first 4 years. And then after 1 or 2 years of isolation I'll really wish I went with my first list.

Little Fish Had a Chip on His Shoulder

Huffpost - Englishman John Wood, 37, told the Wisbech Standard he fought off four muggers singlehandedly -- literally, since his other hand was clutching a container of fish and chips he had just purchased. Wood told the BBC that his phone happened to go off at that exact moment, and the muggers demanded he hand it over in addition to the wallet. Wood says he told the attackers to "come and get it," and the four men all rushed at him at once. Not one to let himself get battered, Wood reportedly used the aikido skills he learned as a teen to kick two of them in the knees, sending them to the ground. By Wood's account, he knocked down a third before the fourth man stabbed him in the side with what doctors believe was a sharpened screwdriver. He then disarmed the man, he added, before jumping in his car and driving away. "I didn't even drop the chips,' he told the Standard. "It was all done one-handed."

Fuckin Brits. Just the cockiest bunch of bastards in the world. "Come and Get it". This dude just bragging about beating up 4 dudes while holding his damn fish and chips. I'm not impressed dude. Show me the video because there is no way 4 fully grown men didnt whoop that ass. What you beat up 4 chicks? Beat up a couple of fucking 8th grade boys? Oh you used your aikido skills to beat them up. Makes sense. I know for an absolute fact that given the chance to steal this guys wallet, phone, manhood, and his fish and chips I could do it without breaking a sweat. I'd hit him with that Louisiana Fast 2 piece and a biscuit straight from Popeye's kitchen.  2 hits. Me hitting you and you hitting the floor you got damn lobsterback bastard.  Tell me how the Declaration of Independence tastes fucker. Dude probably thinks Rugby players are tougher than football players too.

- A sharpened screwdriver? How in the fuck did this guy just get in his car and walk away? The screwdriver must have been mistaken for a twizzler. Sharpened screwdrivers kill people.

Respecognize my Gangsta

So this morning I went to get some cereal and those pigs didn't have any Frosted Mini Wheats so I had to settle for Raisin Bran Crunch. Never a bad alternative. In fact it's a great alternative probably my go to alternate, but that got me thinking what's the best cereal?

5. Cinnamon Toast Crunch

Cinnamon Toast Crunch coming in at number 5. And basically it's like this...if you don't like this cereal fuck you and your mother dog. You have to be clinically insane to dislike cinnamon toast crunch.  What's not to like about cinnamon toast crunch? Is it the cinnamon? You're gay. Is it the toast? Butt chug vinegar. Is it the crunch? You probably order original recipe from KFC too, little bitch. What I'm sayin is I am making a hall of fame list and this shit is going first ballot.

4. Life

Don't even front on Life cereal. This shit is a straight dick wrecker. You could easily eat one of those little ass boxes in one sitting.

3. Cookie Crisp

Fuck you. This is my motherfucking list.

2. Frosted Mini-Wheats

This is easily the most well rounded cereal in the history of cereal. Shit is like the Nomar of cereals. It hits for power, average and plays great defense plus its sexy. Shit is positively delicious, keeps you full and its good for you. Just a five tool player. You seen his hot ass wife strawberry Frosted Mini-Wheats? That bitch is clearly the Mia Hamm of the Cereal Game.

1. Honey Nut Cheerios

Is there a more obvious number 1 choice in the world? Like this shit is so perfectly delicious and simple I'd stab myself in the eye if it wasn't my choice for best cereal. This is the Jennifer Aniston of cereal. The most perfect creation god has ever made.

Does this look like the face of a Nicaraguan teen who fucks chickens?

Get a load of this fucking kid! The feathers are cute? What the fuck. This little dude just sticks his dong in these chickens vagina-butt holes like it aint no thang. Yo guys come try this!! Shit feels good as fuck! Way better than our creepy aunt's crusty hand! But seriously I can't be mad at this kid. How many times you done something cuz you seen your older cousin/sibling doing something and you wanted to be cool? Shiiiit what if these chicken fuckers are way ahead of us? What if chicken vagina-butt feels better than its human counter part? Looks like Horny Nicaraguan Teen 1 the rest of us 0.

P.S. The best way to stop chicken fucking is to go cold turkey

THIS IS AMERICA HOMEBOY !!!!

Wall Street - Hostess Brands Inc. is nearing a deal to sell its Twinkie brand and other cakes to private-equity firms Apollo Global Management LLC APO +0.05% and C. Dean Metropoulos & Co. for more than $400 million, said people familiar with the discussions. The deal could be disclosed as soon as Tuesday and would serve as the opening bid in a coming bankruptcy-court auction for the assets, which include Dolly Madison and other brands. Apollo, the giant buyout shop co-founded by Leon Black, and Metropoulos, owner of the Pabst Blue Ribbon beer brand, have been looking to partner on a deal for some time. They emerged as the front-runners to snap up Hostess's cake brands and negotiations between them and the company picked up steam in recent days, leading to the expected deal, people familiar with discussions said.

Hot Diggity Dogg!!! MURICA! Does it get anymore American than Pabst Blue Ribbon buying Twinkie??? I had the biggest boner/heart attack combo after hearing this news. I haven't been this excited since the first time I got a blowee. Seriously if this doesn't prove we are the most powerful country in the world nothing does. Two All American studs going head to head and joining forces to create a Jadaveon Clowney-esque MONSTER. Similar to when the Power Rangers morph into MegaZord. This shit is so fucking awesome America's infrastructure will no longer need to bail out banks and shit. This is gonna make a lot of people happy. I only got four 10 packs of twinkies left. I was startin to sweat like a whore in church. "Long Live the King".

Fuck the Food Chain!

DM - These extraordinary pictures show a South African seal devouring a blue shark - one of five that it attacked and ate for dinner. The rare event took place off the coast of Cape Point and was witnessed and photographed by a group of shocked divers. The seal ate only the stomach and liver of its prey before moving on to its next victim. 'It was terrible to watch,' said South African photographer Chris Fallows, who owns a shark diving company. He had been taking a group on an expedition when they found the sharks, which were all around three or four feet long.

Bad ass motherfucker!! This seal who I have promptly named Steven after Steven Seagal just gave a big old middle finger to mother nature. He just said bitch don't think if you starve me I won't eat these fucking jerk off sharks who have killed my brother, sister, mommy, daddy, and uncle. He wanted blood and he got it. Such a power move I can't even take it. You thought that the 2 people's elbows that the Rock dropped on CM Punk sunday night were raw? How bout this damn seal disemboweling the so called king of the ocean? The coupe de gras of bad ass shit without legs. Well it's safe to say that I am no longer intimidated by sharks. If a pussy seal can rip these things to shreds than there is no way me and my HUMAN brain can't kill sharks in .2 seconds. Mother nature just once again proving she's nothing more than a myth.

P.S.- How bout this Chris fellow? Terrible to watch? If I was guaranteed to see a seal rip a shark to shreds I'd pay 3 times the amount of money you were asking for your stupid little tour. Pussy.

Is Suicide Now My Best Choice?

As all of you know by now Rajon Rondo tore his ACL. I spent all day yesterday sulking in my own filth pouting like a fucking woman who didnt get her way.  By God if Danny Ainge decides to blow this thing up I am going to go play in track on I-95 with a blind fold on and a shock collar. I will full out bawl my eyes out worse than I did when Travis has to shoot Old Yeller if the Celtics trade Paul Pierce. May god have mercy on the Boston Celtics.

P.S. If the Sox don't get off to a good start the gallon of bleach under my kitchen sink will start to look really delicious